“When performing,” I told my students.
“If you have two pieces to play, play the sad one first.
After a lonely, mournful melody, whatever follows is brighter. It doubles its sense of joy.
Therefore, always play the sad one first.”
I am waiting for my own sense of joy to begin. I have, certainly, played the sad song first. And, it went on for weeks.
I discovered something so shocking, that it pierced me. I could hardly speak.
Some of you may remember a story I had written down a few times. It was the point of origin for my entire journey of mysticism. I had been terrorized by a neighborhood bully, which scarred me for life. Except, that is, what happened the day my mother intervened.
Later, I was taken under the wing by a woman that mentored me for 20 years. Maybe even longer. When I met her, on the first day, she mentioned that she had lived in my childhood neighborhood. I asked her where she lived.
She gave me a mild description, but I couldn’t locate her address.
This woman was my guide. She helped turn me into the woman I am today.
I have written about her, many times. I have thanked her privately, and publicly, a multitude of times. She is nearly 100 years old now.
About a month ago, I had a reason to look at my old neighborhood, and found a way of matching names with street addresses. It was rather painful to do this, as my memories of this neighborhood weren’t pleasant.
But, of course, curiosity led me. I wondered about my childhood friends, and was trying to identify their old addresses.
And, that’s where a mystery was, unfortunately, solved.
I discovered that my beloved mentor, lived right next door to my enemy. And, that she lived there, during the time I was attacked. She knew this child that tortured me, and her family.
But, she never told me this. I had asked her several times if she knew that child, and she denied it, continually.
This shattered my heart when I realized that my own mentor – had betrayed me.
And, this was the beginning of 3 weeks of sad discoveries.
In music, this was the sad song, that began my symphony.
I am waiting for the joyful movement – to follow….